TRUE DEPOSITION E W W W W W STORIES!!!!

Haven't posted here in a very looong time, and I'm pretty sure no one checks back anymore to see if a new post has popped up or not, but I thought I'd post these for your amusement in case you're the ONE person that happens to stop by this blog once in a blue moon!  These are posts from court reporters that were excerpted from an online forum (which shall remain nameless). 

Court Reporter Story 1:
I think I win this one. Attorney has been spitting in his spit cup all morning, it's terrible. Of course he starts waving his hands and knocks said spit cup all over the pile of exhibits, which means they are covered in his spit and chewed tobacco. (Insert appropriate vomiting icon in here.)

Court Reporter Story 2:
Guy was claiming he was incontinent due to an injury. He brought his soiled underwear in a brown paper bag as evidence. His attorney wanted me to mark it and take possession. No way!

Court Reporter Story 3:
Then there was the time I gave the deponent's child some drawing utensils and some paper to draw on to stay occupied while the deposition was conducted. I look up during the depo to see the child staring at me with said writing utensils lodged firmly in each nostril making silly faces at me. I was the only one that noticed. Then, at the end of the job, the mother thanked me for my kindness and tried to hand the implements back. Thanks, but no thanks.

Court Reporter Story 4:
My worst was an attorney who was letting fly with the most g-d-awful air biscuits imaginable. Don't know what the guy ate for lunch, but we were in a windowless room and the stench was horrible. Opposing counsel finally asked him if he was using it as a tactic to end the deposition, or something to that effect.