TRUE DEPOSITION E W W W W W STORIES!!!!

Haven't posted here in a very looong time, and I'm pretty sure no one checks back anymore to see if a new post has popped up or not, but I thought I'd post these for your amusement in case you're the ONE person that happens to stop by this blog once in a blue moon!  These are posts from court reporters that were excerpted from an online forum (which shall remain nameless). 

Court Reporter Story 1:
I think I win this one. Attorney has been spitting in his spit cup all morning, it's terrible. Of course he starts waving his hands and knocks said spit cup all over the pile of exhibits, which means they are covered in his spit and chewed tobacco. (Insert appropriate vomiting icon in here.)

Court Reporter Story 2:
Guy was claiming he was incontinent due to an injury. He brought his soiled underwear in a brown paper bag as evidence. His attorney wanted me to mark it and take possession. No way!

Court Reporter Story 3:
Then there was the time I gave the deponent's child some drawing utensils and some paper to draw on to stay occupied while the deposition was conducted. I look up during the depo to see the child staring at me with said writing utensils lodged firmly in each nostril making silly faces at me. I was the only one that noticed. Then, at the end of the job, the mother thanked me for my kindness and tried to hand the implements back. Thanks, but no thanks.

Court Reporter Story 4:
My worst was an attorney who was letting fly with the most g-d-awful air biscuits imaginable. Don't know what the guy ate for lunch, but we were in a windowless room and the stench was horrible. Opposing counsel finally asked him if he was using it as a tactic to end the deposition, or something to that effect.

Great Audition - America's Got Talent!!

It's worth watching the entire video. This guy has no clue how good he really is and you can see his reaction at the end shows that.

Life's Little Instructions

Sing in the shower.
Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
Watch a sunrise at least once a year.
Leave the toilet seat in the down position.
Never refuse homemade brownies.
Strive for excellence, not perfection.
Plant a tree on your birthday.
Learn 3 clean jokes.
Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full.
Compliment 3 people every day.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Leave everything a little better than you found it.
Keep it simple.
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Floss your teeth.
Ask for a raise when you think you've earned it.
Over-tip breakfast waitresses.
Be forgiving of yourself and others.
Say, "Thank you" a lot.
Say, "Please" a lot.
Avoid negative people.
Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards.
Wear polished shoes.
Remember other people's birthdays.
Commit yourself to constant improvement.
Carry jumper cables in your truck.
Have a firm handshake.
Send lots of Valentine cards.
Sign them, "Someone who thinks you're terrific."
Look people in the eye.
Be the first to say hello.
Use the good silver.
Return all things you borrow.
Make new friends, but cherish the old ones.
Keep a few secrets.
Sing in a choir.
Plant flowers every spring.
Have a dog.
Always accept an outstretched hand.
Stop blaming others.
Take responsibility for every area of your life.
Wave at kids on school buses.
Be there when people need you.
Feed a stranger's expired parking meter.
Don't expect life to be fair.
Never underestimate the power of love.
Drink champagne for no reason at all.
Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.
Don't be afraid to say, "I made a mistake."
Don't be afraid to say, "I don't know."
Compliment even small improvements.
Keep your promises no matter what.
Marry for love.
Rekindle old friendships.
Count your blessings.
Call your mother.
by H. Jackson Brown Jr.

CHRISTMAS 2010

The best Christmas present is having my dad with us! We had a nice time at Claire's house on Christmas day, and then a lovely evening at Natalie's house watching old 8mm film put on to CD from the old days! It was fun seeing some of our cousins in the films!

You're Never Too Old To Trick 'r Treat!!

I went to pass out candy with the residents where my dad lives in NE Mesa on Saturday night, but they only had a few kids that night stop by. The residents still had fun dressing up and going outside for a while and visiting. Ya shoulda brought your kids by 'cuz they would have scored big time on Saturday! How do you like the spooky special effects on that last pic? Not sure how that happened!

The residents also were treated the Saturday before with a recital by some young music students and their teacher. Some of the children were beginners and some were more advanced, BUT, music is music, and my dad and the other residents very much appreciated the children taking the time to come and play for them. Unfortunately, I don't have pix because I didn't know about it beforehand and didn't have my camera with me.

Delicious Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins!!

BANANA CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFINS

1 ¾ cups all purpose flour
¾ cup sugar
1 teas. baking powder
1 teas. baking soda
½ teas. salt
1 egg
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup vanilla or plain yogurt
1 teas. Vanilla
1 cup mashed ripe bananas
3/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips
chopped nuts (optional)

DIRECTIONS:

In a large bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt.

In another bowl, combine the egg, oil, vanilla yogurt, and vanilla extract. Stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. Fold in bananas and chocolate chips, nuts (optional).

Fill greased or paper-lined muffin cups two-thirds full.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 19-25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Cool for 5 minutes before removing from pans to wire racks.

Why Didn't I Think Of This??

Car Lashes - how cute are these? They also have crystal eyeliner for your car's headlights, too! I don't think they'd look as cute on my car as they do on this Volkwagen, though. Way cute!!

Have A Coke And A Smile!!

Remember the old Coke machine at the drug store? I wonder how old it is now? I'm sure thousands upon thousands of Cokes were dispensed from this thing over its lifetime.

Thanks Shayla for posting this on your facebook pix page. Hope you don't mind I stole it off of there :)

Messy Baker!

I made oatmeal/raisin cookies for my dad tonight, and when I looked in the sink I couldn't believe how many measuring cups I used!!

Truth be told, any time I make anything that calls for measurements, the sink always ends up full with every measuring cup I own... and a few extra unnecessary utensils.

Pathetic... I. know. Oh, did you count them? There's 5!!!!!!

January 27th

My mom would have been 80 years old today. In honor of her birthday, I will be celebrating later with some form of chocolate for sure!

Caramels Rock!! Rock Hard, That Is.

This is why none of you got delicious caramels from us this year. Because I suck at making caramels. They tasted great, but I didn't want you/us to spend the whole next year at the dentist's office (I'm dental phobic!)

It ticks me off, because I spent a while breaking the nuts, stirring constantly until it reached 250 degrees - just like the recipe says to. As I recall, last year's caramels turned out about the same. What am I doing wrong? I'm open to any hints anyone might have for me for next time. I will not give up until they're edible! HELP!

Christmas Day 2009

This picture was taken Christmas Day at the PT rehab place my dad is at. We exchanged gifts and had a nice time visiting. We're so happy my dad is doing much better and is expected to be discharged to go home soon. We love you, Dad!

Merry Christmas!

BURQA BARBIE?? WHAT THE ...??!!!??

Are you kidding me, Mattel? Well, apparently, they're not, because this is for real. Talk about being oppressed, suppressed, and depressed. Thanks, Mattel, for once again exploiting and degrading all women of the world.

"KALO"

My blog is so boring -- I know! I was sick of looking at my last post, and I like this picture of my mom, so I decided to post it. I apologize if you've already seen it before. I'll come up with something good soon. Promise.

He's Back!!

Yea! Les got reinstated in his job after being laid off in June! We are very grateful to everyone who worked to make that happen, because the other people that got laid off were not as lucky... they're still laid off.

One of Les's co-workers made this awesome cake in honor of his return to the department. I'm glad he works with people that care about people enough to go out of their way to do such nice things.

82 YEARS YOUNG

My dad turned 82 this week! We celebrated with cake and ice cream and had a nice visit with him. My dad cannot believe he is 82 -- he just shakes his head like "that's just wrong." It's so funny... We love our dad!

The A** Family

I found this picture and thought you might get a laugh out of it! I would not put this on my car, but it is funny!

South Mountain Park

Today we decided to take a little trek up to the top of South Moutain and check out the view. I would love to go up there at night sometime, but not sure I want to drive on that tiny, windy road in the dark! Has anybody driven that road at night?

If You Think This Is Bad, You Should've Seen The Other Guy!!

The real story is: Tuesday night my dad fell in the bathroom and hit his forehead which resulted in a HUGE bump that is covered up in this picture by a large band-aid. The purple bruising around his eyes did not show up until two days later. We took him to the ER and they did a CAT scan of his head, and he is fine. He never had a headache or anything. We took him to lunch today and, as you can imagine, he's getting all kinds of stares and comments. Poor guy :( He just laughs and makes a joke about it.) I don't think I'd be able to laugh if it was me...

Quote of the Day: "The best part of the Coke is the burp." -- Jim Hicks